After spending 20 years in the 200's and almost reaching 300 at one point, I've arrived in Onederland...officially.
I know that I had pledged not to weigh in October, but I forgot about my Doctor's appointment. Yes, I could have not peeked; just let her write that stupid number down and not known a thing...but I've told you before that I'm addicted to that damn scale...I had to do it...I looked. And I knew I would, too. I wore the lightest clothing I could without being an exhibitionist...I wore no jewelry...I even took off my glasses. I held my breath as the digital scale went up and up and I SWEAR it was like watching Extreme Makeover Weight Loss when the numbers go all over the place and you wonder if that's real or staged. That shit is real, folks. It went up, then it went down...and it settled on 196.2
I literally stood there and wouldn't move...I started to cry...and then laugh at myself, but still crying. The nurse was a little surprised, but then I turned to her and I said, "I'm so sorry...but I haven't weighed less than 200lbs in more than 20 years...I'm so happy!" She hugged me! Aren't I the biggest dork?
Here's the funny thing that followed: they left me ALONE...in that room...with that SCALE...so what would any other psychotic scale-addict do? I got naked and I got on it again. Then I stepped off of it...then I stepped on it...you GUYS, I swear I got on and off that thing like 20 times. Butt ass naked, I weighed 195...and shit yah, I took a picture of it. Then, like any other crazy person, I wondered how much my iPhone weighed and how could I take a picture without holding it? Um, yah...Cah-RAY.
I have dreamed of this moment but I never imagined how wonderful it feels. I honestly can't stop weeping a little every time I think of how significant this is for me.
While I still have many more pounds to go, I am absolutely going to enjoy this moment...because it took me so long to get here...TWO years of hard work to lose more than 85lbs between these two photos.
|August 2011 - 40 years OLD.|
|October 11, 2013 - 42 years YOUNG!|
|Not just "at" Onederland, but smack "IN" it!! Yay!!|
I told my friend today who is just starting her own amazing journey...every bit of the hard work it took me to get here is worth this tiny little moment in time. I say "tiny" because this is just a stopover on my journey - a nice stopover, don't get me wrong...but it's a stop on my way to the body I want. Not some skinny body at a certain weight...but the strong, healthy body that is going to sustain me for the rest of my life. The one that is going to carry my ass over lots of finish lines. The one that constantly amazes me with its feats.
I looked at my life when I turned 40 (the first pic above was at one of my surprise 40th bday parties) and realized I was at a crossroads. Realistically, I had ONLY 40 more years left (at that weight DID I really even have that many??)...was I going to waste them being unhealthy? I decided that I wasn't. So I set out to save my life. That is what keeps me going every single day...I am trying to save my life. I just want to take a minute to thank my body for helping me get there, haha!
I have my days, believe me. Last weekend I ate 3 bagels in 3 days...eeks. Well, actually YUM, I freaking love bagels, but I know that's not the right way to eat for me. Still, sometimes I gotta have a bagel...or cookies...or ice cream...it's life and I love food, people!. But when I partake, I turn around the next meal or the next day and I make myself pay for it: I get in an extra hard workout, or I eat cleaner.
There are no tricks. There are no secrets. It's about working hard, eating right and the persistence to just keep going. That's it.
I am so happy and proud of myself today!