So here I am, one year later, and 43lbs lighter. On one hand I am so very unbelievably proud of myself - FORTY THREE pounds! I only HOPED when I started this that I would be successful, and I have been! But on the other, I think...only 43? I could have lost more. But that hand might be left over from the old me; the one who didn't think I could do this...that pessimistic bitch that still lives inside me. I hope she's the next big thing I lose, because she's getting on my last fat nerve.
A few weeks ago I got the best compliment from my biggest supporter, darling Hubby. I was having a bad day and told him that sometimes I worry that the old me will come back...I honestly felt like she was lurking around the corner. It was one of those days where I felt like I could eat anything and everything, and it was all I wanted to do and that scared me. He listened patiently like he always does and then when I said, "What if I can't do this?" he looked at me incredulously and said, "HOW??! How can you even think that you're that person anymore? Every single thing you do is different than the old you...you don't look the same way, you don't act the same way, you don't eat the same way, you don't cook the same way, you don't even THINK the same way!" And it hit me like a ton of bricks that HE didn't even know that old me anymore, and that who I WAS is not who I AM anymore. PS: EVERYONE has days when they feel like they can eat everything in sight...even super skinny people. So don't beat yourself up on those days. Try to make wise choices, and if you make a few bad ones, suck it up and move on. One bad day does not ruin your success.
So I'm 1/3 of the way to my goal...you can do the math. When I get there, I'll be almost half of my previous self. This fall has been slow, I've lost and gained the same 4lbs since August. I know that it was a few visits from friends and family, vacations and fun weekends. And I wouldn't give back one minute. I said when I started this trip that I was going to enjoy life and enjoy the journey...and sometimes that means just chalking it up to life itself. I had fun this Fall...THAT'S what I'm taking away from it. As Hubby always says, "It's not a race to get there - just get there." The old me would have quit and said, "Well, I tried, but guess it's not meant to happen." I KNOW I'm not that person anymore...:)
Still, I'm constantly trying to figure out what works best for me. I workout like a crazy person, and I don't always lose. But honestly, I just love working out so much that it doesn't frustrate me like it used to. I do need to figure something out to get past this though, because obviously I have a ways to go. A funny thing happened this past week. I hurt my foot and couldn't workout as much as I normally do and I spent the week just watching what I ate...not so much worrying about the exercising...and I lost 3.3lbs. You see what I mean? It's constant trial and error.
The biggest thing I have learned up to this point is that even though my plan is counting calories, it is not as simple as calories in and calories out. And if someone tries to tell you that it is, please have them come and talk to me. It's about the KINDS of calories that you are putting into your body and the amount of calories each of us needs to burn fat (and everyone's calories needs are different). 400 cookie calories are not the same as 400 lean protein calories. It. Makes. A. Difference.
More than anything, I feel the greatest pleasure just living a healthy life and being in control of food vs. being controlled by food. It is the most empowering feeling I have ever experienced...and it feels amazing. I love this quote: If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up. I cannot see myself ever giving up again. I'm looking forward to many more November 5ths.
