October 12, 2012

Today was a good day.  It's the start of a week off from work which is always wonderful.  I started my morning by going to a 3 hour Zumba Marathon with my friend, Maria, and even though we planned to stay for only 2 hours, we had so much fun, we did the the entire thing.  It was great!  And I burned a ton of calories.  Afterwards, I got home and hubby and I ran some errands and I finally got to go shopping for some new, SMALLER, clothes.  (after a month, I finally got past this latest plateau, yay!)  Even though I was exhausted from this morning, I am never too tired to shop :)  This is the first time in a whole lotta years that I've actually found clothes that not only fit, but that flatter.  Normal-sized people have the luxury of being choosey when they are shopping.  Yes, I understand that most times we ALL scrutinize ourselves, but when you're plus-sized, you are at the mercy of what is available to you...and let me tell you, that's not a lot.  I had even tried the plus-size section of Nordstrom, thinking that Nordstrom buyers would surely relate to our perils...nope.  Even Nordstrom thinks that us big girls ADORE fluorescent colored flowers on our clothing.  And don't get me started on the fact that if you are large, the designers then assume that you are also TALL...the old me was always on a perpetual hunt for fashionable, petite plus-sized clothing.  It's pretty much non-existent...

SOooo to be able to have CHOICES like I did today was so much fun for me.  I got some great stuff!!  I told Hubby that he was in for some trouble...with so many options, he better start saving his money.

As I said, today was a good day.  Because the last few days has been a little hard for me.  One year ago on October 18th, I lost an old friend who passed away from ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease).  My friend was only 40 years old and had a beautiful wife and three amazing kids.   I was so lucky to be able to spend time with him over the last 3 years of his life...however, each time we visited, his health declined drastically.  But we had some great chats and tons of laughs.  He never forgot to remind me to enjoy life.  The last time I saw him was 3 weeks before he passed away.  It affected me very deeply.  But I have my old friend to thank for who I have become this past year.  I thought, and think, about him a lot.  I know that he would have done ANYTHING he could have to try to fight that horrible disease.  But as you know, there was nothing he could do.  I realized that being 40 and obese was also a disease...only I was living a slow death...and I COULD do something about it...I could save my own life.  If my friend was here, he would tell me not to waste it.  I feel like I owe it to him - and to every person who has passed away after such a short life - to fight to live.  To not waste the time that I have here.  You could say this for not only losing weight, but also for not worrying about little things, enjoying every single day, appreciating your loved ones, and being kind to others.  Live a good, quality life.  I want him to know that I am not going to waste this life.  That was the beginning of the new me.  And if the time comes that I get lazy, or slack off, I will think of him, and I will get my ass off the couch and move it.  RIP, and thank you, JB.

October 10, 2012

It's been a few weeks since I've journaled, only because I have had a lot going on at work and lots of visitors in town - no offense to my followers, but I love my family and friends and they came to visit so I HAD to make a choice!  You understand :)

We have had a mild Fall but the weather changed for us a few days ago and we are now into the "long pant" phase of the season...although Hubby is the last of the holdouts and will probably wear shorts until Thanksgiving.

Anyway, I'm stuck in a plateau again and just plugging along like I know I'm supposed to do.  But a funny thing happened the other day.  It was jeans day at work, and again it's cool outside, so I grabbed my "skinniest" pair of long jeans from last season and threw them on...they were baggy.  And not just a little loose...but saggy-butt-baggy...and I needed a belt.  I don't own belts...thing is, when you're fat, you don't need one and you're certainly not tucking your shirts in to show off a cool, fun, belt. 

So, back to the baggy jeans...all I can say is that I've heard about this moment happening to other people, have outwardly cheered for them, and secretly longed for the feeling myself...I am here to tell you that it was exactly as I had imagined it to be, and more...it was euphoric.

So even though my stupid enemy, the Scale, is not being nice to me (Bitch!), I can laugh in her face and shake my baggy jeans at her - ha!

It's a pretty great feeling.

The next fun phase:  shopping for new jeans...oh, and maybe a cute belt.