Questions, Part II

Hello there!

It's time to answer more of your questions.  One I often receive is how to stay motivated and that's what I'm going to tackle in today's post.

As I mentioned in my last post, I really thought I'd be at my goal weight by now...I knew it would take me a while but at the time I didn't realize how long it would actually take.  In truth, it's been 33 months.  That's 2 1/2 years...yah, it's not fast people.  And I'm only 2/3 of the way to my goal.  But lately I've realized that it's sort of becoming less of a worry to GET to that goal weight I set out for and more about LIVING a healthy life.  That's what I have gained  in this process...I didn't even know that was a goal, but I stumbled upon it and it was honestly, the best surprise of this whole journey.  What if I hadn't started?  It would still be 2 1/2 years later, and I'd still be unhealthy...or worse :(

Because here's the thing:  that number is really sort of unrealistic...for all of us.  Now, don't go getting all up in a bunch.  Yes, you need to set a goal.  Is that always a "number"?  No, for some people it's a range, or for others it's to eat better, still others just strive to drink more water, and others more veggies, etc.  However, we are taught by society to have a number in mind.  So, you try to get there, and then perhaps you actually do get there.  Then what?  Your healthy journey doesn't just suddenly end when you get there.  You still will want to maintain it, right?  Some days you're going to go up and some days you are going to go down.  Sometimes life might get in the way and you have a big gain.  It's called LIFE and it will get to you.

I don't even know what it feels like to get there and maintain, but I'm a planner so I know when I get there I will have some work to do.  But I'm ready for it, because I've worked so hard and there's no way I'll ever go back to 283lb Jenn again.  Ever.

And that's part of my answer to the question of how I stay motivated:  I want it badly enough.  And by "IT" I mean, my healthy life, not the random number I picked to strive for.  Oh, I'll get there; I can't stay here, I'm still not at a healthy weight for my body...so I'll continue to make adjustments and do what I have to do...but in the end, for me, it will always come back to putting the right kinds of food into my body and working my body with fitness because I love it so much...the weight will take care of itself.  I cannot consume myself with a number.

I remember hearing the advice that losing weight was about changing your lifestyle - that's all you have to do!  Just change your life!  Well CRAP, who the heck has time for that???  That's a lot of work!!??  It IS!  But small changes make big results and I talked about that here.

I've been stalled at the same weight for 9 months.  How frustrating is that, right?  Every day I try and some days I am successful and some days I'm not...and stalling for 9 months can do some crazy things to your brain.  In that time, it wasn't that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do.  On the contrary, all I do is try.  But it's about finding what works for you.  And sometimes what worked last week, doesn't work this week and you go back to what you did the week before and it just doesn't work anymore and you're back to square one.  But square one shouldn't be that number, it has to be your healthy living.  In that time I've tried eating more, eating less, different workouts, cutting some workouts out, working out more.  And it can be is exhausting...then I went on vacation, gained 3lbs, came home and got right back into my "normal" life and boom, the 3 vacation pounds came right off without trying anything fancy, no big changes, just getting back into my life.  That's when I realized that I was less stressed about this whole process than I used to be and it felt GREAT.  It wasn't something I decided to do; I am just living my life.  I will need to continue to make adjustments to be in a deficit to lose, but I will do it as a secondary goal.   I came to the realization that eating healthy and exercising has become my main goal.  I know that doing that IS GOOD for me.  So, I will continue to just keep going.

Here's a picture of my before (283lbs) and during (195lbs).  I'm healthier now then I was then...bottom line.

You want to stay motivated?  Stop thinking of it as a temporary thing and just make the change in your mind that it's about how to live healthy.

Also, a motivation for me is that so many of my friends and family are getting healthier, too.  When I am feeling blah or need some inspiration, I read my healthy blogging friends' posts, or see their posts on Facebook and Instagram (look me up @jenns_healthymakeover) and that motivates me to keep going.  So, if you are the same way and that sort of thing helps you, just think of me, you are NOT alone - I am here, every single day, doing my thing and we are in this together.

I do have to share this beautiful message from my 12-year old nephew.  Could there be any better advice for any of us????

Workout Wednesday - June 12, 2013

Hello there!  It's time for Workout Wednesday with my girl Skinny Meg!  I love this linkup because I get so many great workout ideas to try!

This week, I've been really good about keeping track for you and even taking lovely sweaty pics to share - lucky, lucky you!

Wednesday - We headed to a great local park that has an actual rock/paved track and this cool station where you can do other exercises like situps and pullups and such.  We hit the trail a couple times around and then headed back to kick some trees....yes, you read me right.  What follows is the conversation I had with my Hubs (who won't even let us have a real Christmas tree because he can't stomach the thought of 'killing a tree'...) when he called me during..."You're kicking trees!????"  "Hell yah, you gotta problem with that??"  "Um, hayuhhhh...that's a crime against nature!!!"  Okay, so we didn't actually kick any trees...but we did tap some sweet tree ass.

This is a really great workout for your backside, flanky area, legs and abs.  Basically what you do is balance on one foot (like you would for a side kick in combat or kickboxing) and with the other, tap the tree (or solid object) continuously for one minute.  Then switch sides...and, daaaannng...you're gonna be sore.  I love this!

Thursday - I decided to try Fitness Blender - everyone's been talking about it and it was super rainy and yucky outside so I headed home to try it out.  I have to say, this might be one of my favorite new workouts.  It's free and they have great videos where you can choose a body part to focus on or just do a full body workout.  I ended up trying three of them (cardio, abs, butt) for a great 50+ minute workout.  And let me tell you, I was sweat balls after only 10 minutes.

 

Love my AppleTV!



Mmmm...pretttyy...



Reeeeeeeeeeeaccccccccccchhhhhhhh!

Saturday - This is the workout I'm MOST excited about - I ran 5 miles!  I cannot express to you how much this run meant to me.  After not being able to run my entire 5k, I was kind of defeated so I set out on Saturday just to redeem myself. I didn't have a plan to run a specific amount of miles, I just wanted to get out there.  What I really wanted to do was prove to myself that my 5k performance was a fluke.  I had run the same distance before many times but that dang 5k was haunting me!  So out I set to just do what I could.  The weather was perfect:  overcast and cool and I just went for it.  I was feeling really great and decided that I would try to push myself a little - when I got to 3.1, I decided 4 would be great...then when I got to 4, I was like why not just go for 5??  So I did!  I was so pumped, you have no idea - when I hit 5 miles, I just stopped...I could have kept going, but I didn't need to...I laughed though because I honestly squealed my excitement in the street.  I don't even give a rat's ass if anyone saw me.

I am seriously loving this running thing.  Even though on Saturday night, I was pretty sore - I'm old!  But, it was so worth it.

Yah, Baby!

Monday - I was ready for some weights and it was Hubs and my anniversary so I didn't want to be at the gym for a long time.  I did 150 weighted bar squats, 75 Russian Twists, 100 Jumping Jacks and front jacks, 100 crunches, side crunches, two :30 planks, handweight fly's, and lunges with handweights.  I was getting ready to leave when Hubs called me to tell me to stay put because there was a Tornado Warning in effect.  Now, even though I love Hubs with all my heart and was excited to get home to see him, I never mind being at the gym, so I jumped onto the Stairmaster to sweat some more and wait the storm out.

Excuse the fuzzy - hard to take a pic while you're climbing moving stairs...but check out my lovely sweat pool...heh heh...why does it feel awesome when it's your own sweat but gag-worthy if you came across someone else's sweaty nastiness?

Tuesday - More Fitness Blender!  This time I enlisted my running buddy and sweat our asses off for 38 minutes and I burned 338 calories in that short amount of time!

I need to remember that not all workouts have to be a certain amount of time - you can still get a really great workout, if it's the right workout, in a shorter time.

So, that's my week!  I'm headed to the National Harbor in Maryland for our University's Commencement Ceremonies for the next 3 days.  I have my workouts already planned so even though it's going to be super busy, my plan is to get out there and sweat a little before my days begin.

Check out this week's healthy recipe - Monterey Chicken - SOO yum!!








Workout Wednesday with Skinny Meg - May 29, 2013

Hello!  This is the first time I'm linking up with Skinny Meg for Workout Wednesday and I'm pumped!  She is SUCH an inspiration to so many and especially to me.

Most every week for the past 10 weeks my workouts have kept me busy training for my first 5K on Saturday...I'm so nervous but at this point, I'm using a favorite quote:  I'm kissing it and sending it to heaven...not much I can do at this point, right?  Well, except quit, but um, yah, I'm no freakin' quitter.  My goal is to complete the entire thing running.  I've done it many times during training so I'm hoping that Race Day will be no different.  The only thing that's making me nervous is that the race is in grass, which I'm not used to...guess I'll figure it out!

For the past few days, I've been resting a calf injury but I'm sure it will be better by Saturday and the good news is that I've been able to spend more time lifting and working on strength exercises.  I like to incorporate hand weights and bar work when I can.  Right now, it's still very new to me and I'm hoping that I'm using proper form...thank goodness for YouTube and Google, eh??

Here's a little list of my mixed-up weekly routine:

• Monday - Cardio:  Running (outside as much as I can when it's not raining) - 1 hour
• Tuesday - Toning:  Push ups, bridges, triceps dips, burpees, squats, lunges jump squats, Superman, planks, crunches, dumbbell arms & abs stuff (side bends, twists, cross body knee lifts, squat twists...please do not quote me on any of the names I just gave these as I have no idea what they are truly called - I only know they kicked my abs...)  This usually takes me about 45 minutes
• Wednesday - Cardio:  Sprints - 1 hour
• Thursday - Toning:  See above
• Friday - Light cardio and toning
• Saturday - Cardio:  Running or Zumba
• Sunday - I try to rest, but it's hard so it's either yard work or light cardio

I'm hoping to meet lots of inspirational folks through the linkup and learn about how other people are making their way along this journey!

If you get a chance, check out my recipe blog, too - A Healthy Makeover & a new recipe post today:

http://ahealthymakeover.blogspot.com/2013/05/crustless-3-cheese-quiche.html

Before & Now Pics & Non Scale Victories Linkup May 16, 2013

 

Hello!

 

It's time for my favorite post of the week!  What were your NON-Scale victories this week?

 

This week I have a few:

 

1)  I traveled to see my Mom last weekend and no matter which airport I was in, I used the stairs and walked vs. using the moving sidewalks.  Big switch from my old life where those modern advances were like little oasis's to a chubby chick carrying heavy bags.

 

2)  I didn't stress about eating on my visit - I ate things I don't normally indulge in and I didn't stress.  Since I'm weighing only once a month now, I realized last weekend that in the past, with Friday weigh-in looming, I would stress and stress about the wrong choices I made during the week.  In other words, I mostly didn't enjoy myself pretty much ever.  The thing with weighing less often is that when I weigh next month I'm not going to beat myself up for two days of enjoying myself!  When I weighed more often, I would get to weigh-in day and when I didn't see what I wanted to, I would pick apart EVERY.  LITTLE.  THING. I did during the week.  Do you know what that type of self destruction does to the mind??  So, did I mention I'm over stressing??

 

3)  I have before and current pics to share.  The first picture was taken at my highest weight.  I haven't shared it before now because I honestly had forgotten about it and a co-worker sent a bunch of old pictures out and this little gem was included.  This was from Halloween 2008 and my department decided to dress up as Beer Wenches (disregard the lovely wig).  My mom had to make my costume (back then she made a lot of my clothes to be honest) because there were no size 26 beer wench costumes out there.  The second picture was taken a few weeks ago.  There are 72lbs of difference in these pictures...but most importantly, tons of sweat, miles and miles traveled, thousands of hurdles tackled, and a strength I continue to amaze myself with:

 

 

The funny part about it when I look at these pictures, it almost looks like I compressed the top picture and stretched the bottom one.  I can assure you and promise you that the only editing I did was to crop them.

 

 

 

5K Linkup April 30, 2013

Good morning, friends!

It's time for an update on the 5K Spring Training Challenge!

Unfortunately, my update is that I got hurt, boo.  I'm pretty sure it happened last Tuesday when I was doing my butt exercises and I guess I got a little butt crazy because I woke up on Wednesday morning and my inner thigh/groin area was in a lot of pain.  I just thought it was from the squat challenge and that it was a sore muscle or something from working it.

So, that morning, I got up, got ready and I went out and ran 2.6 miles and it seemed like the pain went away.  I was so excited that I had the time to run and that I could go...I felt like a real runner.  I guess I still get excited about that.  Anyway, I went about my day afterwards, was a little sore, but actually ran that night, too and even ran in the rain!  When I woke up on Thursday morning, I could barely walk.  Again, I just thought it was sore muscles not an actual injury.  By the end of that night, I was in a WHOLE LOTTA pain and I finally accepted that I had actually hurt myself.  I was warned by my friend, Missy that I was to REST for a few days and take it easy.

Do you know what I do when someone tells me that I should rest?  I want to NOT rest.  So, I asked her, "What exactly does that mean?  No running?" and she said, "It means rest...as in try not to do much at all." and I said, "Like, not even walk??" and finally she conceded that easy walking might be okay.

Well...on Friday, I went out for my walk and I quickly realized that it was a BAD idea...and the worst part is that I didn't fully admit it to myself until I was about a mile out...which meant, I had to walk about a mile back...I'm obviously stubborn and can't admit weakness...is that a bad thing??  I know, I know, better to rest than to suffer a severe injury down the road.

SO, I had my first injury...and it sucked...and it sidelined me for the weekend and I still haven't run this week yet.  I plan to, though, tomorrow.  I feel great and I hope that I've given myself enough time to fully heal and that this little injury is behind me.  Because I have a race to train for!

Tomorrow, my buddy and I are going to do some sprint training.  Has anyone does this?  Apparently, it can really help when you're training.  Basically, you warm up for about 5-10 minutes with a jog, then alternate for 30 minutes of sprinting then jogging, then a 5-10 minute cool down.

I'll let you know how it goes!  Hope everyone has a great, injury-free, week!

Non-Scale Victories Linkup April 25, 2013

Hello!

It's time for my favorite post of the week, Non-Scale Victories with Katie and Lex!  And this week, I have lots to share with you!

1)  I started serious strength training.  I've been doing a lot of research lately on different things I can do to not only lose weight but to start toning and gaining some more muscle definition; apparently hours and hours of cardio is NOT the answer.  If there was a tiara for Cardio Queen, I would own it.  I spend SO much time doing cardio as well as watching every calorie that goes in and out for so long,  and I've been just slowly losing...and many weeks, losing nothing at all.  It's SO frustrating.  So, I took to the Internet to do some research and what I found was pretty eye opening.  Well, for me anyway.  Cardio alone will not melt the pounds away.  We need to incorporate more strength training into our routines AS WELL AS, limit cardio time.  I'm not saying not to attend your favorite Zumba class because believe me, no one is going to take that away from me.  But on days when you aren't doing cardio, do some strength training.  This could include something like Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred or kettlebell training.  Just add some muscle-building into your routines.  Now, I know you could go online and find an article supporting any type of subject you could imagine...but for me, I've been at a standstill for awhile now, and I'm going to try to see where this strength training thing goes.  I learned that even resting muscle helps to burn calories.  Here's a few articles I found on limiting cardio or including aerobic AND strength training:

http://www.shape.com/fitness/workouts/8-cardio-myths-are-making-you-fat

If you have a bit more time and like graphs and math equations:  http://www.precisionnutrition.com/rr-cardio-vs-weights

2)  After doing my research, and the feeling I had after an amazing run last week, I'm putting my scale to rest.  No more weighing every week.  I'm not even going to weigh every other week.  I am making a commitment to only weigh once a month.  And that might even change if I continue to see results.  One takeaway from the second article above is that scale weight is NOT precise:  Weight is not fat mass.  Check out this photo below from that article:

I am so sick and tired of the scale dictating my emotions.  I LOVE the feeling I have after a great workout and the excitement of smaller clothes, and I want to feel that good all the time...which leads me to NSV #3...

3)   I went shopping and I'm officially in the next smaller size - 16!  Since about Fall and through Winter, I've been stuck between 18 & 16, which in the big scheme of life is great...but NOT fun when you need new clothes!  I also took my measurements which I haven't done in almost a year and the difference was pretty profound!  I have lost a total of 13.25" off various parts of my body since June of 2012...guess where the biggest loss came from?  My girls!!  How frustrating is that??  I did NOT need to lose from that area, one bit!  Another cool part of this is that it was super cool last week and my Hubs had a sweatshirt in his truck so I grabbed it and not only was it loose, I could zip it up!  THAT hasn't happened in 18 years...just sayin'.

4)  My last NSV happened just yesterday.  I had a Dr's appointment which was a followup to labs we did a few weeks ago and everything stayed about the same as last year.  Which is good according to him, but bad according to me.  I had hoped that I was doing so well that I could be off the cholesterol medicine altogether.  My cholesterol levels were good, though...they went down where they were supposed to and my good cholesterol went up, but it wasn't what I wanted to hear.  I almost cried actually and I think he could tell because he all of a sudden came to stand right in front of me and said, “Jenn, you are MY success story…do you know that?  I tell people about you.  What you have done to change your life is amazing and you need to know that.  We cannot help genetics, and it sucks that you were dealt this little bump, but you are on your way and you can’t even spend one more minute thinking of this.  I DO think that if everything keeps going the way it is, this time next year, we will be having a different conversation.  Everything that you are doing to get healthy is working!  I am not concerned one bit and you shouldn't be either.”  So that made me feel much better...He even suggested that I write a book.  Funny, but I don't see that happening.

So there, you have it, my NSVs for the week.  Not a bad week!

Non-Scale Victories Linkup Feb 14, 2013

Ahhh, Love!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Even though I'm a girly-girl, I'm not a big Valentine's Day person...And please don't get me wrong, I love a day that is specifically set aside for love!!  You probably think I'm weird, but I'm of the mindset that every day of the year should be celebrated with love...corny, right?  But seriously!  A long time ago, my sweet Hubby said, "Why do I need a holiday to remind you how much I love you?"  Insert *swoon*...and we've never celebrated Valentine's Day again...And to this day, he has kept his promise to show me every day...even if it's just throwing away my recently used tissue (true story)...sweet, right?  Haha!

This year though, a couple of my girlfriends and I are getting together for Girls Night In and we're planning some healthy eats and chick chat!  I'm excited since we don't get to do this much.  I hope you and your sweetie or friends have something fun planned too!  If you don't have plans with others, be sure to plan to do something fun to celebrate you!

Since I missed last week's linkup, I'm going to incorporate two week's worth of NSV's - hope you don't mind!

1)  Shopped for vacation clothes and bought LOTS of things in smaller sizes...although I was a little frustrated with trying to find a formal dress...shopping is way more fun if you actually fit into a smaller size...I'm in-between sizes and although I reached my first big goal of 50lbs, I was a little deflated that I couldn't find a dress that looked nice.  I digress.

2)  Since my vacation didn't officially start until Sunday night, I didn't go into "eat everything" mode until we reached our first destination.  In the past, I would have hit the vacation button at 4:30pm on my last day of work.

2)  While on vacation I brought my workout gear and my heart rate monitor and I worked out every single day.  The treadmill isn't so boring when you're staring at the ocean!

3)  As soon as we got home from vacation, I got back on plan.  Vacation is over!

4)  I've been eating my weight in broccoli and cauliflower this week...not really, but for some reason I've been craving it and I can't get enough...hoping my digestive system  doesn't hate me, heh heh...

5)  I was super excited that I was able to have a decent picture of me taken on our vacation so I'm counting this one as an NSV, too:

6)  This isn't my own NSV, but I just wanted to give a shout out to all of my new blog friends who have made my journey so much fun and I'm super proud of all of you and YOUR NSV's - you inspire me!  We can do this!

How to Lose 50lbs the Hard Way

I finally made it!!!!!!!!!!  I reached my first big milestone.  I weighed this morning and I’ve officially lost 50lbs (Actually, it’s 50.1, haha). 

It feels so good!!

So, I feel like I have to say something significant about it and I wasn’t sure where I was going with it, but in thinking back on the last year+, I realized I DO have something to say.  Forgive me, but I’m about to get philosophical (hey, I’ve earned it, right?)

Lots of times over the last year, I’ve seen people who don’t see me regularly and their question is always the same, “Wow, tell me how did you did it?”  I always say the same thing:  “Just what I’m supposed to be doing; eating right and exercising.  The old fashioned way.”  That’s about where I lose them…they get that smile on their face that says something like, “Oh…”  They kind of lose interest and aren’t usually as curious at that point.  Most people don’t want to hear that it wasn’t easy…they want to hear that it was some magic thing that just happened…but it doesn’t just happen.  It takes work…every single day.  Lots of people don’t want to work for it…I didn’t either, believe me…Oh, how I wish it could have been easy!  Because I have to say that even though I feel amazing - I’m indeed so incredibly proud of myself - I’m honestly physically and mentally exhausted and just plain beat up…Yes, I got here, but it definitely kicked my ass. 

In case you didn’t catch my drift:  it was hard.

I answered another question recently about which diet fad I’d like to see disappear.  My answer was that it’s not really a fad, but the misconception that losing weight successfully can ever be a quick and easy fix.  It’s just not true.  When will everyone realize that to be healthy you have to BE healthy?

Losing weight has never come easy for me.  Now, if you want to talk about what’s easy, let’s talk about GAINING weight…that I’m an expert on.  But losing, is a whole ‘nother story.  I’ve spent the last 14 months waking up & spending most parts of every single day thinking about food, planning meals, planning workouts, worrying about obstacles (both real and imagined), planning for said obstacles, doubting whether I could do this (do I have another day left in me?), and stumbling around trying to figure out what is going to consistently work for me…lots of thinking…lots of working out, and pushing, pushing, pushing.  14 months…approximately 420 days…10,080 hours…604,800 minutes…you get me??

Oh, and I can’t forget to mention the tears.  Lots of tears.  I’ve cried a lot out of frustration because it’s just so freaking exhausting to do this day in and day out.  I’ve literally teared up standing on the scale…it has ruined a few days…made me crabby to those around me (poor Hubs), and in reality that effing scale has controlled a better part of my adult life, honestly. 

And working out?  For most of the beginning of my journey, I spent 7 days a week working out…and I’m not talking 30 minutes here or there…I’m talking hours… ß with an “s”.  It’s still a huge part of my everyday life.  When I don’t feel like doing it, when it’s the last thing I feel I can physically do…I get up and I do it anyway.  Only recently I’ve learned that I need to relax a little bit with my workouts.  I did a lot of research and even though it’s great for my cardio system, too much exercise is not entirely good for you.  Our bodies need some rest.  And I’m learning that, for me, losing weight consistently is 80% food, 20% exercise.  All that working out was actually a roadblock to me losing weight regularly.  Weird, but damn if losing weight isn't SCIENCE??!  Go figure.

I’ve spent weeks and most recently, months, in plateaus.  Imagine this:  take everything I just wrote in the above paragraphs, cram it into 7 days of feeling good about what you’re doing, and then hop on the scale to see no loss…even gains now and again…it’s really, truly enough to break a person…most people DO feel defeated and some even quit.

So somewhere along the way I find this thing called Determination; and she’s pretty cool.  I don’t know where she came from but this new chick just showed up one day and decided to kick my ass into gear.  And she’s not letting me quit.  I’m NOT quitting.  There is no way in hell that I’ve gotten this far and worked this hard to turn back now.

On top of trying to live a healthy life, I’ve also started this this fun little huge side project, my blog.  Planning healthy meals is in and of itself time consuming, but I’ve also added another level by constantly trying to come up with new ideas of healthy recipes to share.  It’s researching, planning, shopping, chopping, picture taking, research on healthy statistics to share about the ingredients, writing the post and sharing it.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I WANT to do this…it’s more work, but I LOVE it.  I love to cook and I love trying to make things that were previously “off-limits” into yummy eats that I can have guilt-free.  It has made the eating part of this journey a whole lotta fun.  The biggest aspect of my blog is that it’s another way to hold myself accountable.  Who knows if anyone is really interested in the recipes?  I’m not entirely sure anyone cares about my weight loss…but the thought that someone MIGHT is enough to make me think about what I’m doing…it’s more pressure to keep going.

So, I do it.  I keep on going.

My perspective about life in general has changed so positively. When you are overweight or obese, the simplest things and thoughts can take over your life.  Things as simple as sitting comfortably into a restaurant booth, maneuvering a crowded room (I took up a good bit of space), buckling your airplane seatbelt, or partaking in physical activities that most people don’t think a thing about; they consume you.  I still think about these things…I’m getting on a plane on Sunday and for a fleeting second, I felt my old anxiety hit me.  Even though I don’t have to worry about these things anymore, they are there.  I’ve thought about them for so long, and they were such a part of my life, they are ingrained in my brain.  I’m still learning to let these things go.  And each time I encounter something I wasn’t able to do before, I do it, and I hope those old feeling and thoughts go and stay away.

But here’s the best part…I’m happy…I’ve always been a happy person, but I’m talking deep-down-so-incredibly-proud-of-myself happy.  I have lots more confidence.  It’s a good, good feeling.  And although I spend lots of time worrying and planning and doing what I need to do…there are lots of things I’m not worried about anymore.  Physically I used to worry that any little pain I had could be something more…now, I know my body like I’ve never known it.  I know what it’s capable of.  I used to be afraid of stairs…now, I climb mountains.  And the space I used to take up?  It’s a little less now.

Still, I have SOOO very far to go.  I would like to lose another 70lbs.  That’s a lot.  And maybe some people aren’t even impressed with 50 (point 1) lbs…Maybe they think, “Oh sheesh, Big whoop!  What’s 50lbs?  LOTS of people have lost LOTS more than that.”  And that’s SO very true!  It’s just that for me, it’s a pretty big (pun intended, ha!) deal.  I didn’t have the strength to lose before…I had no idea that I could do it and get here,  I bet anyone who knew me didn’t think I could do it, either…and that’s okay because if I didn’t think I could, why would they?  But I did get here…

So, there you have it…my answer to how I lost it:  it was hard, but it is WORTH it. 

Go me.

EDIT:  Pic from our vacation